What Makes a Stoner Mom?

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Picture this: a mother finally gets her kid to sleep. Her day has been a mix of everything from cleaning messes that seem to multiply, kissing non existent boo boo’s, creating new ways to try to satisfy a picky eater, begrudgingly smiling through mind numbing children’s television, and being otherwise poked, prodded, picked on and pushed around for the majority of her day. Finally, after five bedtime stories and an hour of fighting, she finally has a moment to herself, so she pours a glass of wine and settles down on the couch for a much deserved break.

Now replace that glass of wine with a bowl of marijuana and everyone loses their minds. BUT THAT’S ILLEGAL! DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR CHILD?! WHAT SORT OF EXAMPLE ARE YOU SETTING? YOU’RE A MOM, YOU CAN’T DO THAT! WEED IS A DRUG! Well I’m here to tell you, there’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, it’s society that’s wrong. But until the rest of the world opens their minds, moms who use marijuana will continue to get an underserved bad rep. 

What makes a stoner mom? Any number of things, really. A mom that gets high when her kid goes to bed? Sure! A mom growing pot among her tomatoes in a garden behind the house? Maybe. A housewife with the baking skills of both Betty Crocker and Tommy Chong? (you see what I just did there?!) Awesome! Or maybe,  just a normal woman, who chooses to care for herself using cannabis. There’s no reason to read too much into it, a mom who uses marijuana is not a criminal. She is not choosing drugs over her kid. She is not setting a bad example. She is medicating. She is relaxing. She is handling her shit. You think it’s better to drink than it is to smoke weed? I’ll tell you, one might be illegal (stupidly), but it’s the other that can do far more damage. Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying that moms shouldn’t drink if they choose to (hello, I love me a big glass of red wine!); I’m not judging anyone’s choices. But what I am judging is anyone thinking less of a mother because she chooses to use a product of nature, (A plant, folks! A FREAKING PLANT!) but sees the mother who chooses alcohol as normal, or furthermore, superior in any way. Knock yourself down a peg or two and ask yourself: would you rather your kid drink or smoke pot? If you said drink, you need to reevaluate a few things. Or probably a lot of things, frankly. 

Until the rest of the country follows in the smart footsteps of states like Colorado and Washington, we moms who love maryjane must live in fear of not only judgement and misunderstanding, but of the unthinkable: someone unjustly deciding you’re an ‘unfit mother’. Not the woman who has no problem driving her kids to soccer after a martini or two; she’s fine. Not the mother who is basically a zombie after popping her highly addictive prescribed medication; she got it from a doctor, so she’s fine. But the mother who quietly smokes a joint in her kitchen while her child naps, then spends the day happily reading stories and relaxing with her toddler? CRIMINAL! DEGENERATE! SELFISH! How, in 2015, is anyone thinking this way? There is merit in plenty of ‘accepted’ parenting tips and techniques; sometimes the tried and true way of thinking works for a reason. But every parent finds their own way of living day to day life, for themselves and their children. And us moms (or dads, I’m not trying to leave anyone out!) are the center of it, the heart and soul of the family starts with mom, whether we like to admit it or not. This applies to all types of families, whether you’re married or single, blended, or non traditional. Whether you have one kid or seven, or you’re both working full time or one of you stays at home, moms are the keepers of the key. Who else makes sure everyone is ready when you leave the house? Who is always willing to make a snack, even if she’s already made three and hasn’t eaten yet herself? Who else knows just what to say to make a crying over nothing child suddenly smile? And every mom who gives a damn about the actual important stuff, like the love you show your kids in little ways that they’ll always secretly remember, and not that you sanctimoniously shielded them from too much tv and insisted they only eat 1000000% organic. So a mom who uses cannabis to help her with any number of things is doing just that: helping herself. If you label any mom who might smoke a little pot as a criminal, you’re putting them in a category they don’t deserve to be in. 

Unfortunately, society needs to catch up. I imagine a world for my son in which marijuana is just as normal as alcohol; regulated and readily available to adults to purchase. A time where no mother has to fear the stigma that will always stick to weed as long as we’re forced to buy it illegally in a ziplock bag. And perhaps most importantly, a world where any mother has access to the truly incredible medical benefits that come from cannabis, especially if it means saving her child from a lifetime of so many illnesses that are much better maintained with the help of some form of marijuana.

So what makes a stoner mom? Just a woman doing things her own way, which is what all mothers are just trying to do: loving our kids and doing the best we can for them. (And if I’m being honest, she’s probably a little cooler than you, at least in the eyes of her little ones πŸ˜‰) It’s important that we end the stigma. Maybe mothers should be the face of marijuana, maybe we’re the ones who change the game and normalize cannabis use without fear of being severely punished. Us stoner moms are amazing at what we do; just ask our kids! 

And really, next time you find yourself with a few minutes of peace, maybe take yourself a toke or two. It just might change your life! ☺️

  

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Halloween Hilarity!

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I know Halloween has now come and gone, but I can’t stop staring at all the adorable pictures of little dude channelling his inner frog! πŸ’š Maybe it’s because I love Halloween and enjoy it even more now that I get to celebrate it as a mother. Maybe it’s because we’re still binge watching “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (or ‘Christmas! Trick or Treat!’ according to little dude), and probably will be straight on till New Years. Or maybe it’s because in just one week, my two year old becomes a three year old, and not only is it baffling me that time really does fly, but it’s killing me a little that my baby isn’t such a baby anymore. 

Enjoy the upcoming holiday traditions with your little ones! I hope everyone had an awesome Halloween, and doesn’t rush too quick into Christmas! πŸ˜‰

   
    
 

Until You Have Kids…

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We’ve all been there: a younger, child free version of ourselves, enjoying a night out when *shudder* you suddenly see the hostess setting up a child’s seat at the table next to you. Ugh, there goes our peaceful dinner, you might have said. Or maybe Why would you bring a kid to a place like this?! Even if the child didn’t make a peep, you were horrified at the thought that this little creature could have possibly interrupted your evening. 

Fast forward to today, and suddenly you’re that table that the hostess is setting up a child’s seat for, the one that the patrons are glaring at for possibly ruining the kid free atmosphere you just walked into. A few weeks ago, my husband and I were enjoying a Saturday date night without our son at one of our favorite restaurants. The weather was nice so we sat on the patio, listening to music with a pitcher of sangria. An adorable girl about my age sat down next to us with who was probably her mother and sister, along with her precious toddler, a little boy who I soon learned is two (the same age as my little dude). He immediately didn’t want to sit still, and popped his head up at our table. His mother immediately apologized, to which my husband and I replied: “No worries, we have one too. We get it!” A wash of relief rushed over her face and we traded toddler stories back and forth. I said this to her because I do get it, and it really does make you feel better to know that not everyone in the world is out to judge you as a mother. I’d heard the phrase “Until you have kids…” a million times, but it couldn’t be more true. You don’t know until you have one, so cut us a little slack until you really know what we’re going through.

Lately I’ve seen lots of babble on social media like “Maybe parents should put the phone down and play with their kids instead of posting about them!” or “Don’t you think a mom should only talk about certain things once she has kids?” Let me ask you something: when you woke up this morning, did you decide what you’d be doing with your day? Ok, maybe you have a job, but did you simply wake up, get dressed, and begin your day? That must be so nice; I definitely remember those days. Want to know how my day starts? From the moment I open my eyes, my day is dictated by a two year old. What I’m doing, when I’m doing it: all in the hands of a two year old child. 

Adult conversation? Forget about it! An hour of reading with my coffee? Haha! Riiiight! A real shower everyday, whenever I want? Dear God, I wish! And don’t think I’m complaining, because I’m definitely not. I am well aware that there are definitely chunks of my day spent in sweats catching up on Real Housewives. But being a mom, even one whose happily married, can be SO lonely. Your interactions with your child are amazing, but they can’t chat with you about real life; about the big stuff or the stupid little things. So I’ll use that “Until you have kids…” line to tell you: if I want to take five minute breaks out of my kid friendly day to escape on my iPhone, I will. And until you have kids, you’ll probably keep judging me, but I’ll be there to reassure you that it’s ok when it’s your turn, regardless. 

What topics are off limits for moms? Oh, you gave birth, so no swearing. And no talking about drinking. Or drugs. Or anything remotely inappropriate. Tell me why people (especially younger people!) without kids get to decide what’s right and wrong for mom conversation. I understand not blasting your personal business for everyone to see (especially because there are some nasty souls out there who threaten moms with CPS calls. I’ve seen it and find it disgusting. How dare anyone just loosely throw around such a thing?!) but guess what: I’m still a cool person with a rad opinion to offer the world, and I just so happen to have a precious sidekick to do it with. Stop making moms feel like they are only defined as a parent and nothing more! Because again, until you have kids, you have no right. None. Zilch!

Things are tough enough out there. Protecting our children from all the sick things that unfortunately exist in our world these days is hard enough. Don’t make mothers feel like they have to shield their and their childrens’ lives from judgement from those who don’t even know what they go through. 

Next time you’re at a restaurant, smile at the family with the kid at the next table. You have every right to be annoyed when the kid starts wailing, but until then, just stop and think how to go to dinner that night, you got dressed and drove there, simple and easy. But I promise that that mother you see had to change two sets of clothes atleast twice, put on two sets of shoes, remember to pack a bunch of nonsense, wrestle a mini sumo wrestler into a carseat, and listened to mostly incoherent child babbling for most of that day, all to simply enjoy a meal outside of her own house and feel like a normal person for a few hours. 

Until you have kids…” don’t be so quick to think you know what it’s like to actually have one. Us moms you’re busy judging will be here to answer all those questions you’ll definitely have, and to make you feel less bad when people (like the current, judgemental  you) question every move you make.