The Weirdness of Love

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Love is weird. We experience it in so many different ways, whether from whoever we choose to be with, or with our children, pets, family or friends. And because all of those versions of differ from one another, we really have all very unique ways of experiencing this very complicated human emotion. Do we really fall in love with someone? Or is it more about finding a person and mutually agreeing to accept one another for life because we as a species don’t like being alone? I’m willing to bet everyone’s definition of love is different, making it still such a strange and extraordinary thing.
It still baffles me that my husband and I have been married for five years. That may not seem like such a long time, but the way in which we began our relationship was so unconventional that there were plenty of people with plenty of doubt. When I first met him, as cheesy as this sounds, I felt like I was “meant” to know him. We were instantly inseparable, and a few months later, when he asked me if I wanted to drive to Las Vegas at 11:00 at night and get married, I didn’t even hesitate. We drove 25 hours, through a true blizzard that stopped us on the interstate multiple times, and it was then that we realized that surviving that trip was obvious proof that this was meant to be. In a black dress that was nowhere near bridal attire, I married my husband in a tiny ceremony just steps away from the Vegas courthouse.
But it hasn’t all been a fairytale. If you’d ask me if you should run off and get married to someone you technically barely know, I’d tell you to run like hell (My husband has a longstanding joke that he “tricked me”) but I WILL say that being married helped us push through issues that otherwise probably would have ended us. And helped us grow into better people, both individually and together. It turns out we are actually two very different people, but somehow we’ve made it work. He may never care about Hunter S. Thompson or like my tattoos, but we get each other in a very real way, which to me, is definitely love.

 
Do I regret not having a ‘real‘ wedding? Sometimes. When we first came back from Vegas, we told my family we were only engaged so I could have an actual wedding. I started planning, bought an incredible gown, and even sent out save the dates. But after drunkingly spilling the beans to my mom, and my husband growing tired of not telling everyone, we just let it go. I imagine that someday we’ll renew our vows so that I can wear that dress and have my dad walk me down the aisle, but I’m happy knowing that we did something seriously awesome; something most people would only dream of. And now we have a seriously cool story to tell our son.
And now, five years later, after such a non traditional marital journey, we’re actually living a VERY traditional life. My husband works and I stay home, and our roles as breadwinner and housewife are the ultimate 1950’s cliche. But I’ll never be Betty Draper, and my husband will never be Don. But my son will grow up remembering that he never had to leave his mom’s side, which brings me such a lovely sense of comfort. If I ever needed to remind myself what love is, I need to look no further than his tiny, gorgeous face.
So is there really a universal way to describe love? It’s truly a different experience for everyone, and engrained so deeply into our human psyche that I’d almost consider it part of what actually makes us human. A kiss from my dog is obviously different than one from my husband, but it’s all love, just the same. So spread it: whatever it is that you consider love. And all of us, as humans finding our place on this planet, should be willing to find it. Maybe then, as happy, loving beings, we will finally understand one another and enjoy a bright, peaceful, and open hearted world.

  

Mixing Motherhood & Marijuana

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It’s about time I touch on the subject of being a stoner. And a mom.

That’s right. I admit it. I smoke weed. A lot of weed. It’s a part of my life and I have ZERO shame in saying it. You know what else I have zero shame in saying? That yes, I’m a mom whose also a stoner. (GASP!) But you know what? I’m damn good at being both.

From the very first time I tried marijuana, I knew it would always be in my life. I’ve never been a big drinker, but I will ALWAYS be down to smoke. And even used in a recreational way, it truly does wonders for me. It tames my anxiety almost completely, puts me in a wonderful headspace, boosts my creativity, and just makes me plain old happy. Hell, I just love it. I’m just proud to be a stoner. And mostly, just proud to be a free spirit who loves her life.

Before anyone gets all preachy on me, let me be clear: I’m not partaking in marijuana in an irresponsible way, especially around my son. And I’m not frying my brain or doing anything that could inhibit my abilities to care for my child. I’m not advocating anyone who puts their own lifestyle decisions ahead of the needs of their children. But I’m not ashamed to say I don’t feel the need to hide it, either. Granted, he isn’t even two yet, so its not like I’m influencing him or enabling him in his decisions. And I wouldn’t go so far as to say something along the lines of “marijuana makes me a better mom”, although it does make me happy and carefree, both irreplaceable qualities of a good mom. I just get so frustrated with any person who could dare to look down on me, who I am as a mother or any other moms like me, just because I choose to partake in a product of nature (that happens to be ridiculously regulated) as a consenting adult for my own benefit. That kind of thinking literally baffles me.

Being a mom means living every single day for the little being you created, and it changes your life in seemingly infinite ways. But it doesn’t necessarily mean it has to change EVERY part of who you are. I think more women should be more open-minded towards their fellow mothers, more understanding and come from a place of understanding instead of judgement. Some people may do things unconventionally, and guess what? IT WORKS FOR THEM! No mother should be ashamed of something they do for their own benefit and the benefit of others, whether it be co-sleeping, feeding practices, or even finding joy in partaking in a little cannabis while your little one naps. I promise you, if you’re happy, your child will be happy too.

So to all you marijuana moms out there, feel no shame in your love of the green. We can hope for a day the rest of society will be as stoned as you are 🙂

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