First or Third Person: The Story of This Currently Conflicted Writer

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After what seems like months with nothing but dry ideas and lack of motivation, some promising inspiration suddenly hit me last night. I was up for what was probably way too long trying to plant specific story points that came to mind, hoping that by morning I wouldn’t forget all this creative gold (it had been a long time coming, ok?! 😊) and lucky for me, I woke with a head full of characters and plot lines, scenery and tone, not to mention lovely optimism towards finally wanting to write.

I do realize I am getting way ahead of myself, that this is all just still free writing and we all know that what may or (usually) may not come of that. But my main issue lately, the bane of my writing existence is deciding between writing in first or third person

I’ve played around a bit with both ways, and while it seemed I could probably go either way, atleast in the short beginning drafts I was toying with, but I worry. 

If I go for first person, am I going to be able to throughly build a good story from only one perspective? But if I choose third person, will I get too bogged down with description and struggle creating necessary dialogue?

Please tell me you’ve been there, too. I guess this is why they say the hardest part of writing is actually starting to write. 😊

Whatever It Meant.

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Any day is the right day for some HST! As obsessed as I’ve been with his work for years, I still read his words in his Gonzo style with great wonder; not before or since has a writer been able to capture a feeling, a memory, or a moment so vividly for his many avid readers.
I wonder what my son will think when I tell him I read Fear and Loathing for the fourth time out loud to him while he was still in my belly 🙂

Mixing Motherhood & Marijuana

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It’s about time I touch on the subject of being a stoner. And a mom.

That’s right. I admit it. I smoke weed. A lot of weed. It’s a part of my life and I have ZERO shame in saying it. You know what else I have zero shame in saying? That yes, I’m a mom whose also a stoner. (GASP!) But you know what? I’m damn good at being both.

From the very first time I tried marijuana, I knew it would always be in my life. I’ve never been a big drinker, but I will ALWAYS be down to smoke. And even used in a recreational way, it truly does wonders for me. It tames my anxiety almost completely, puts me in a wonderful headspace, boosts my creativity, and just makes me plain old happy. Hell, I just love it. I’m just proud to be a stoner. And mostly, just proud to be a free spirit who loves her life.

Before anyone gets all preachy on me, let me be clear: I’m not partaking in marijuana in an irresponsible way, especially around my son. And I’m not frying my brain or doing anything that could inhibit my abilities to care for my child. I’m not advocating anyone who puts their own lifestyle decisions ahead of the needs of their children. But I’m not ashamed to say I don’t feel the need to hide it, either. Granted, he isn’t even two yet, so its not like I’m influencing him or enabling him in his decisions. And I wouldn’t go so far as to say something along the lines of “marijuana makes me a better mom”, although it does make me happy and carefree, both irreplaceable qualities of a good mom. I just get so frustrated with any person who could dare to look down on me, who I am as a mother or any other moms like me, just because I choose to partake in a product of nature (that happens to be ridiculously regulated) as a consenting adult for my own benefit. That kind of thinking literally baffles me.

Being a mom means living every single day for the little being you created, and it changes your life in seemingly infinite ways. But it doesn’t necessarily mean it has to change EVERY part of who you are. I think more women should be more open-minded towards their fellow mothers, more understanding and come from a place of understanding instead of judgement. Some people may do things unconventionally, and guess what? IT WORKS FOR THEM! No mother should be ashamed of something they do for their own benefit and the benefit of others, whether it be co-sleeping, feeding practices, or even finding joy in partaking in a little cannabis while your little one naps. I promise you, if you’re happy, your child will be happy too.

So to all you marijuana moms out there, feel no shame in your love of the green. We can hope for a day the rest of society will be as stoned as you are 🙂

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A Sunny Day With My Little Sunshine

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IT FINALLY FEELS LIKE FALL HERE! This is by far my favorite time of year: the crisp air, clear beautiful sky, and amazing cooler temperatures! Unfortunately I was spoiled by growing up in Pennsylvania, a state that actually experiences all four seasons seperately; so now I cherish the very short ‘fall-ish’ time in Arkansas (which is followed quickly by winter and then basically semi-permanent summer, no spring whatsoever. Ugh).

I have plenty of reasons for my love affair with Fall: football season, Halloween, nature’s awesome transformation and especially finally getting back into my favorite season for all things fashion (Hello there, gorgeous boots, leather moto jackets and sweaters. Swoon!).

But most importantly, my son will be turning a whopping TWO YEARS OLD this early November. I hate to be one of ‘those parents‘ that acts like “NOOOO! WHERE HAS MY BABY GONE?!?!” but seriously, how the hell has two years gone by so quickly?!

We’re actually days away from moving to a new place, which is perfect for our little family, but it does seem like yesterday that we brought our tiny bambino home to our tiny one bedroom, where may I add, he slept through the night and hasn’t stopped since! What?! But honestly, I wouldn’t stop time even if I could. My son is a wild little monster, with a genuinely sunny disposition and infectious laugh, super curious and best of all, incredibly sweet…especially to his momma, and I think there’s a pretty good it will always be that way.

So today, this Gonzo Momma is THRILLED with her weekend of Fall and is looking quite pleasantly towards upcoming adventures throughout the season 🙂

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Lullabye

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Until recently, lullabies were hardly a crucial part of my son’s nightly bedtime routine. I’m not exactly the most “structured ” mom around (how could I call myself a gonzo momma if I was?!), so he’s never had an EXACT bedtime with an EXACT night after night ritual. But cuddling with me is an absolute MUST, for him and for me. And on a few of the more challenging nights we’ve had since he’s hit his toddler stage in stride, I’ve opted to softly singing a song or two, which is met with my precious boy nuzzling into me and smiling as he drifts off to dreamland. It’s honestly incredibly beautiful and calming for me to be a part of.
But at no point did the familiar ‘Hush Little Baby‘ or ‘Hushabye Mountain‘ ever pop into my head. Honestly, I probably couldn’t even tell you 1/4 of the lyrics. But there’s plenty of songs that we find just perfect for our bedtime compilation, most of which I originally chose because of their soothing affect on me and my restless mind.
So in case you’re a gonzo momma too, or maybe just enjoy to put your own spin on this whole parenting thing, I thought I’d share a few of our favorites. Enjoy and sweet dreams!

1. Incubus- “Aqueous Transmission” (our HANDS DOWN favorite! It is so beautiful that I have trouble explaining why, really.)
2. 311 “Amber”
3. Van Morrison “Through the Mystic”
4. Buffalo Springfield “For What its Worth”
5. Slightly Stoopid “2 AM”, “Mellow Mood”, “Wiseman”
6. Jefferson Airplane “White Rabbit”
7. America “Ventura Highway”
8. The Wallflowers “One Headlight”, “Heroes”
9. The Beatles “All my Life”, “Across the Universe”, “Strawberry Fields”
10. Bob Marley “Is This Love”, “Three Little Birds”
11. Led Zeppelin “Thank You”
12. Modest Mouse “Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset”, “Fire it Up”
13. Red Hot Chili Peppers “Hard to Concentrate”, “Otherside”, “Snow (Hey Oh!)
14. Dave Matthews Band “Crush”, “Crash Into Me”, “Where Are You Going”

And with those few examples, I hope you all find yourself happy on this peaceful night!