Don’t Worry, Mom’s Just Lonely…

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Words can’t express how much I love spending every day with my son. I love watching him learn, I love him napping beside me on the daily, and I love being the one who’s always there, no matter what. But people don’t always realize how incredibly lonely motherhood can be, especially in the early years. 

Let me explain: Yes, moms are never technically alone. We have social media, our significant others (if we’re lucky) and of course we have the company of our beautiful children. But you have no idea how many days go by that you’re left thinking: “Does anyone care about ME?”, “I wish I had someone to talk to”, and “Who can I talk to about [insert topic here]?” For us stay at home moms, days spent with a toddler leaves you desperately searching for someone, anyone, who understands your struggle. Toddlers don’t want to talk about adult stuff. Toddlers don’t want to discuss what happened on last night’s Real Housewives. They love you, they need you, but they don’t care about your stuff (as it should be). 

All the awesome friends you had before you became a mother are still awesome, but it’s inevitable that you will lose touch with most of them. It’s not that you or they don’t care about each other anymore, but until they themselves have a child, they won’t understand how difficult it really is to be social in the way you were before a kid took over your world. There’s certain people who will try to still reach out to you to do the things you used to, and you deeply appreciate them for trying, but eventually they’ll give up, and it’s heartbreaking. I miss my best friends SO much, but my priorities have completed shifted and I no longer am able to drop everything to go have a blast with them.

And even if there is a chance we get to escape and see our old gang, it’s still different than it was before. WAY different. Your suddenly find yourself wondering hopelessly if your child needs you, or (like me) would rather take this time for some much needed relaxation alone. But without being social, you find yourself desperately seeking interaction with anyone that’s old enough to care about fashion or wine or current events. Unfortunately, motherhood is a struggle that constantly have us balancing who we used to be and who we must become for the sake of our children. 

Sometimes I sit on the couch and think to myself, “Wow. I went to college for this” and “Geez, my life used to be pretty damn cool“. I try to remind myself daily that this is what I was meant to do, and that all of myself I sacrifice is deeply, hugely appreciated by my precious son. In no way do I wany anyone thinking I’m unhappy, because I’m not. But am I lonely? Yes

My fingers are crossed that when my son starts school, I’ll find kinship with other moms that have felt alone like me, though so many ‘mom cliques’ feel like groups of mean girls and that is my nightmare. But maybe I’ll find some other lonely moms deep in the struggle. Maybe I’ll find those friends that expect nothing of me other than what I can offer at that moment, because maybe they’ll understand how motherhood works. I have so much love for the people in my life, and I’ll always be searching for more friends to share it with: more weirdo moms, just like me. 👽❤️ 

 

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To my Twitter Besties:

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This seems so silly, since I have no idea if any of you will even see this, but since my absence on twitter, I am missing my friends on social media like a crazy person.

My husband likes to argue: “Who cares?! You don’t even know them!” But that’s far from true! The girls I met through twitter are some of the most genuine friends I’ve ever met: y’all know me inside and out, better than almost anyone. 

If you’re reading this, I love you. I miss you. And I hope you all have wonderful things happening in your worlds; you deserve it ❤️

Halloween Hilarity!

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I know Halloween has now come and gone, but I can’t stop staring at all the adorable pictures of little dude channelling his inner frog! 💚 Maybe it’s because I love Halloween and enjoy it even more now that I get to celebrate it as a mother. Maybe it’s because we’re still binge watching “The Nightmare Before Christmas” (or ‘Christmas! Trick or Treat!’ according to little dude), and probably will be straight on till New Years. Or maybe it’s because in just one week, my two year old becomes a three year old, and not only is it baffling me that time really does fly, but it’s killing me a little that my baby isn’t such a baby anymore. 

Enjoy the upcoming holiday traditions with your little ones! I hope everyone had an awesome Halloween, and doesn’t rush too quick into Christmas! 😉