…winter in the shade.

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Charles Dickens.

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Mixing Motherhood & Marijuana

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It’s about time I touch on the subject of being a stoner. And a mom.

That’s right. I admit it. I smoke weed. A lot of weed. It’s a part of my life and I have ZERO shame in saying it. You know what else I have zero shame in saying? That yes, I’m a mom whose also a stoner. (GASP!) But you know what? I’m damn good at being both.

From the very first time I tried marijuana, I knew it would always be in my life. I’ve never been a big drinker, but I will ALWAYS be down to smoke. And even used in a recreational way, it truly does wonders for me. It tames my anxiety almost completely, puts me in a wonderful headspace, boosts my creativity, and just makes me plain old happy. Hell, I just love it. I’m just proud to be a stoner. And mostly, just proud to be a free spirit who loves her life.

Before anyone gets all preachy on me, let me be clear: I’m not partaking in marijuana in an irresponsible way, especially around my son. And I’m not frying my brain or doing anything that could inhibit my abilities to care for my child. I’m not advocating anyone who puts their own lifestyle decisions ahead of the needs of their children. But I’m not ashamed to say I don’t feel the need to hide it, either. Granted, he isn’t even two yet, so its not like I’m influencing him or enabling him in his decisions. And I wouldn’t go so far as to say something along the lines of “marijuana makes me a better mom”, although it does make me happy and carefree, both irreplaceable qualities of a good mom. I just get so frustrated with any person who could dare to look down on me, who I am as a mother or any other moms like me, just because I choose to partake in a product of nature (that happens to be ridiculously regulated) as a consenting adult for my own benefit. That kind of thinking literally baffles me.

Being a mom means living every single day for the little being you created, and it changes your life in seemingly infinite ways. But it doesn’t necessarily mean it has to change EVERY part of who you are. I think more women should be more open-minded towards their fellow mothers, more understanding and come from a place of understanding instead of judgement. Some people may do things unconventionally, and guess what? IT WORKS FOR THEM! No mother should be ashamed of something they do for their own benefit and the benefit of others, whether it be co-sleeping, feeding practices, or even finding joy in partaking in a little cannabis while your little one naps. I promise you, if you’re happy, your child will be happy too.

So to all you marijuana moms out there, feel no shame in your love of the green. We can hope for a day the rest of society will be as stoned as you are ๐Ÿ™‚

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Who We Once Were and Where We Might Go

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I should probably start off by saying that I don’t consider myself a religious person. I was baptized Catholic, but my parents were always open-minded; I have almost zero memories of being at church on Sundays, and our version of saying grace before dinner was the classic “God is great. God is good. Let us thank him for our food…” rhyme said by my sister or me. I guess we were the kind of people who showed up for the important stuff (I still enjoy a beautiful midnight mass on Christmas Eve!) but church just wasn’t a priority in my upbringing. As I got older, there was never an ounce of pressure from my family to live the way the Lord wished, or to do the ‘godly’ thing and go to church every single Sunday and stay after for a session in the confessional (to this day, I’m extremely thankful for this, and will allow my son to make decisions on his faith in the same manner.) But although my faith isn’t a huge factor in my life, and being Catholic technically means you’re Catholic and ONLY Catholic and ALWAYS will be, as well as your entire family (if you’re a crazy Catholic as well, you know what I’m talking about…) but I would say there’s bits and pieces from various religions or spiritual beliefs that I find very intriguing. And although a lot of the teachings are practically the opposite of what I may or may not have learned being Catholic, I seem to most identify with a lot of the beliefs of Buddhism or Hinduism. I find peace and comfort from the universe, nature, positive vibes and good karma. It actually kind of blows my mind how the messages resonate with me; there’s nothing complicated to the spiritual philosophy ‘When I do good, I feel good and when I do bad, I feel bad type of religion.
I’ve always had a fascination with the concept of a “Past Life”. I think it’s possible that our soul is so much more than the body it happens to reside in: it feels possible to me that I may have existed elsewhere at another time, and may even exist again, even though I’ve got plenty of life left to live, of course. I went through a lot of ‘phases‘ in my younger years; for instance, I basically lived each day for Catwoman. I had a Catwoman theme birthday party, a Catwoman bike, Catwoman footie pajamas and some days even made my mom call me Catwoman at all times. (Oh, for the love of funny memories…I’m chuckling like a school girl thinking about that). I was in third grade when my “hippie phase” hit me. Hard. I loved the Gerry Bears (a Grateful Dead icon) and bought the plushes in plenty of colors. I immediately wanted anything with a peace sign or a VW Beetle on it. I dreamed of rocking at Woodstock and putting flowers in soldiers’ guns while protesting Vietnam. I wanted every T-shirt in my closet to be tie-dye and all my jeans to be flared, with a ying-yang patch on the knee for good measure. I was definitely a suburban flower (very young) child. It was funny to my parents, and went on for quite some time, as did other phases. But then, years later, my dreams started to take on a 60s-like feel. By this time, I had learned a little more about that point in history and felt drawn to the events that unfolded during those times and places. But there was definitely more to it than make-believe: I’d wake up and fully remember my surroundings (including watching Jimi Hendrix play the ‘Star Spangled Banner early in the morning at Woodstock, or exploring the theories of Timothy Leery) and believed whole-heartedly in being ‘Far out, man. But even beyond that, I feel a connection to that time in history. The music, the culture, the revolution, the rebelliousness. Not to mention the weed. Do I one hundred percent believe I was really there? Maybe not, but I don’t think it’s totally impossible, either. Buddhists believe in reincarnation, and I feel I can identify with that (far more than I find myself identifying with Catholicism, anyway). Plus, I’m a big fan of enlightment through experience, instead of ‘repent for all you’ve done, and you might reach nirvana. Ugh.
Plus, I’m a big fan of belief in the unknown. Conspiracies, ghosts among us, aliens-I love to theorize about what goes against the norm (by the way, if you actually think that our tiny planet is the only place with life in the entire gargantuan universe surrounding us, then you are an idiot. I hope someday you have an experience like Christopher Columbus when he did NOT sail off the edge of the ‘flat’ Earth. No offense โ˜บ๏ธ) and wondering about the sort of powers the universe holds that those who aren’t looking would never see. I think that’s why I have some disdain towards organized religion: I don’t like the “I’m right and you’re wrong” mentality, the “none of this incredible beauty around us would be possible without God” riffraff, or the “This is what the Bible says, therefore it MUST be true!” rantings (If ANYONE thinks I’d be totally down for being “beneath” my husband because that’s the word of the Lord, or that it’s ok to burn books because their content might go against the moral guidance of the Bible, let me tell you: THERE IS SIMPLY NO WAY IN HELL.) I feel connected with a higher power when I see a beautiful night sky full of stars, when I’m quietly meditating and reading something fabulous, or when my son points at the sun and smiles back at me. Heaven means something different to everyone, but especially to those who choose to look at it beyond pearly gates or God perched on a cloud. To me, I see heaven every time the night is clear and millions of twinkling stars shine brightly with the moon, a mere glimpse of the improbable beauty that lies beyond it.
I seem to be rambling, but all that really needs to be said is imagine the possibilities if others weren’t so confined by their particular set of beliefs. Whether you see a higher power is a magestic man watching us from above, or believe that with good karma comes Samsฤra (cycles of rebirth), life is what you make it, so enjoy it while you’re here!
…I know my hippie self did, and so shall I! ๐Ÿ˜„

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A Sunny Day With My Little Sunshine

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IT FINALLY FEELS LIKE FALL HERE! This is by far my favorite time of year: the crisp air, clear beautiful sky, and amazing cooler temperatures! Unfortunately I was spoiled by growing up in Pennsylvania, a state that actually experiences all four seasons seperately; so now I cherish the very short ‘fall-ish’ time in Arkansas (which is followed quickly by winter and then basically semi-permanent summer, no spring whatsoever. Ugh).

I have plenty of reasons for my love affair with Fall: football season, Halloween, nature’s awesome transformation and especially finally getting back into my favorite season for all things fashion (Hello there, gorgeous boots, leather moto jackets and sweaters. Swoon!).

But most importantly, my son will be turning a whopping TWO YEARS OLD this early November. I hate to be one of ‘those parents‘ that acts like “NOOOO! WHERE HAS MY BABY GONE?!?!” but seriously, how the hell has two years gone by so quickly?!

We’re actually days away from moving to a new place, which is perfect for our little family, but it does seem like yesterday that we brought our tiny bambino home to our tiny one bedroom, where may I add, he slept through the night and hasn’t stopped since! What?! But honestly, I wouldn’t stop time even if I could. My son is a wild little monster, with a genuinely sunny disposition and infectious laugh, super curious and best of all, incredibly sweet…especially to his momma, and I think there’s a pretty good it will always be that way.

So today, this Gonzo Momma is THRILLED with her weekend of Fall and is looking quite pleasantly towards upcoming adventures throughout the season ๐Ÿ™‚

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